I cried a lot on Friday. This might come as a surprise, since Fridays are the day I post my Little Bliss List of cherished and joyful tidbits from the past week…and welcome others to do the same. It’s a happy, sparkly love-fest around here at the end of each week.
But on Friday, all that joy had to scoot over and share a seat with sorrow.
That day marked five months since my dad died and it hit me particularly hard. With each passing month, I feel further away from him – even though I know, deep down, he’s still around. And on Friday, my own grief was compounded by witnessing my kids missing their beloved Papa. Though I didn’t mention the five-month mark to them, they must have felt the weight of it. Ryder told me, “I wish I could go back in time. I would re-do the world so Papa could be here again.” My heart ached as I choked back tears, agreeing that a re-do would be wonderful. Later, I heard Tru whispering in the living room and when I peeked around the corner, I found him dancing, holding my dad’s picture in his little hands and whispering to it. Heartache, again.
I used a lot of Kleenex on Friday and went to bed bleary-eyed and blotchy-faced. But here’s why I’m sharing this: Friday was not a bad day. To define it that way – or any day, for that matter – would be the easy way out. To be honest, I get a little annoyed when people say they’re having a bad day. Usually, that declaration stems from having a handful of negative experiences, ranging from relationship woes to a soggy sandwich at lunch. Once they’ve decided they’re having a bad day, their radar is up – looking for more negative moments to prove their point. In doing so, they completely miss all the bliss that’s also in their midst. And it is there – no matter the circumstances.
Lots of parts of my Friday felt awful. But there were plenty of things to be grateful for, too. A friend of my parents’ delivered daffodils to our door in honor of the five month mark. Ryder was over the moon about his Justin Bieber haircut. I loved reading others’ blissful moments shared on the blog. And my ability to be sad and happy within the same day felt brave and good.
To chalk up Friday as a bad day would devalue those joyful, meaningful moments and only give power to the sadness. All in all, it was a good day. I choose to believe that every single day is.
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