the secret nobody knows: finding my way back to abundance

finding my way back to abundance: the secret nobody knows

My hubby bought a new jacket and matching snow pants last week, perfect for sledding with the kids. He looks like a million bucks in them, even though they only cost $18 – at the Goodwill. Oh, how we’ve changed.

A decade ago, the only reason we had to visit a Goodwill store was to donate clothes and household items we no longer needed, in hopes they might find a second home. We never imagined one day we’d need – much less choose – to shop there.

Back then, we both had full-time jobs that paid very well; we wouldn’t have batted an eye at buying Brad’s snow pants and jacket at a high-end store…at full price (a discount would have been a victory, not a necessity). We went out a lot – for dinner, to shows, to family events. We paid loads of money for our young son to attend a full-time, top-notch daycare. We finished our basement and added a bathroom in our urban bungalow. And when that house felt “too small,” we moved to the ‘burbs – into a house with plenty of space (and a great big mortgage). We said we were blessed…but I’m not sure we really knew it.

I was pretty awesome at manifesting whatever we desired: more money, great trips, new opportunities. I trusted the universe would take care of us and frequently set my intentions on creating more material goodness in our lives. It was easy to do when things felt easy.

Eventually, I longed to leave my high-stress communications career; it was wearing me out, and I wanted more time with my son. So I envisioned all I desired – flexibility, creativity, financial stability – and trusted it would come. And it did. I left the corporate world in 2007, able to make even more money doing freelance work, writing my blog and hosting a new radio show. For more than a year, all I’d envisioned came easily, but my energy was off. I had a hard time adjusting to working from home and frequently felt worried or isolated.

This is what almost no one knows: that our precious little life caved in on us. The recession hit in 2008 and I felt it big-time. Clients pulled their projects. Radio sponsorships dried up. My income dropped by 80% and, as we lived our two-income lifestyle on one income, thinking it was temporary, our savings disappeared. In the meantime, I had a baby (oh, bliss! oh, bills!). Soon after, I needed minor surgery. And then the furnace broke. And the washer/dryer. And the air conditioner. The hits just kept on coming – hits that would have been tricky to manage even with my old income. We got by on credit cards, assuming we’d bounce back to our old normal sooner than later, and that we’d be able to pay all quickly-ballooning bills with ease. But reality set in as creditors started to call; every unrecognized number on the caller ID made me sick to my stomach. I considered going back to work, but our youngest son’s mounting special needs left us perplexed and paralyzed, unsure how and where to place him all day long; the thought of it weighed heavy on our hearts.

We borrowed money. We leaned on my parents (hardest request I’ll ever make, but they were amazing). We sold books, toys, jewelry, baby clothes. One day, I pawned a ring Brad had given me years before just so I could buy groceries. I was a ball of nerves, trying to keep up appearances while feeling like a total failure. 

Saving money turned into a part-time job: clipping coupons, finding deals, shopping at secondhand stores. And you know what? I got really good at it. Getting a cart-full of groceries for $50 or a kid’s Halloween costume for a buck was an energy high. I felt good figuring out new ways to help my family and increasingly optimistic about our ability to climb out of debt. I was reminded of the buzz that comes from feeling productive, being resourceful, trusting the universe. And I made a conscious decision to follow that high.

when you focus on the sweet stuff, the sweet stuff multiplies. via livlane.com

I started focusing more on the blessings in our life (there were still so many). Instead of feeling disgruntled when Facebook friends posted pics of their tropical trips or expensive family outings, I chose to be genuinely happy for them. I sought out learning opportunities with payment plans and scholarships, determined to figure out how to turn my creativity into revenue. I started tapping into the power of intention again, envisioning our family beautifully secure and content. I fed off every moment of inspiration, every bright spot in each day. 

My small business was gradually reborn; I leveraged my marketing expertise and keen intuition to mentor women who felt clueless about marketing or intuition. I taught classes. I sold my art. I gave speeches to whomever would have me. I made mistakes and brushed myself off. Every step felt big, every sale I made felt like a miracle (still does, quite frankly).

It’s been a bumpy ride, to be sure, but so much goodness has flowed into our lives as we’ve intentionally focused on gratitude (best fear-fighter ever), cultivated positive energy, revamped our relationship with money and created new sources of income. Now, to pay for something we need or want – whether secondhand or high-end – is so much sweeter now, having known the crippling anxiety of serious debt. I still clip my coupons and get jazzed seeing the price go down at the register. We still high-five over perfectly good snow pants found at the Goodwill. And I thank my lucky stars that Brad and I grew together through this, rather than apart.

Until now, almost no one knew this chapter of our story. But over the weekend, I got choked up while finalizing a payment plan for Project Light Year in response to many women wanting to join but needing some help to do it. I realized the powerful shift from once needing such assistance to creating it for others. As I sat there, breathing that in, I realized I should tell you I’ve been thereI get itI know the shame of it and fear in it. I realized I should tell you that even though things could always be worse, they can also get so much better. I realized that should I reveal this piece of my journey, it might provide a little light for yours.

(Note: For info on the payment plan for Project Light Year, just scroll to the bottom of the info page here. I’d love for you to join us!)

3 steps for manifesting money & magic (how i went from worried to wowed)

Money Angel - photographed in Santa Fe by Liv Lane #abundance #prosperity

Can I be real with you friends? Yesterday, I had some heart palpitations over my self-worth – the money kind and the soul kind. It did not. feel. good. 

This is usually a very busy time of year for my business and important for our family’s finances, but I’ve pulled back on almost everything to put my full attention on this. I know it’s meant-to-be and will be so, so soul-stirring. But as I looked at the numbers, tighter than usual, and started adding up some big expenses coming soon (including my sudden need for a root canal and some major home repairs), I could feel myself spiraling down.

To add fuel to the fire, my heart felt bruised by some unkind notes and actions from a few folks who don’t like that I communicate with the great beyond. (Thank you to all you dear hearts who lifted me up on Facebook yesterday!) It’s easy to feel uneasy when we feel attacked or misunderstood, right? It contributes to that crappy feeling of not having enough, not being enough, not doing enough.

I hate that feeling of lack. It makes my chest tighten, my head spin and my heart race. As soon as I feel it creeping in, I know I’ve got some work to do. Not work-work, but re-framing work; taking the time to consciously shift my thoughts from scarcity to abundance.

I knew yesterday that if I got caught up in a shitstorm of worry over money or mean girls, that negative energy could practically shut me down, blocking the flow of positive energy – contentment, prosperity, trust, service – into my life. So I put on my big girl pants and got down to business.

I followed my 3 step recipe for manifesting money & magic…

 

First, I got grateful. I started taking stock of all the abundance already in my midst: a home I love, a full fridge, a cell phone, a laptop, shelves full of books, transportation, healthy kids, a flexible schedule, morning coffee, art supplies, warm flannel sheets.  I could have gone on for days. I bet you could, too.

Second, I called in my angels. For me, this means getting quiet and sending out an S.O.S. (much like a prayer) to any and all available angels. I request assistance in lifting my energy and clearing the way for more light-filled abundance to flow in so I can be fully focused on using my life for good.

Now, I had an extra-special opportunity yesterday and the timing was no coincidence, I’m sure: I had a session booked with Laurel Maffei-Bleadon, a gifted healer and channeler (just like many therapists have their own therapists to help them work through personal issues, intuitives tend to lean on other trusted intuitives to deliver and validate personal messages). The messages I received through Laurel’s team of wise spirits & angels were right on the money, including a detailed description of a new online program I had been planning for January until Into the Light came along. It was their way to validate that my vibration (and ability to attract abundance) rises when I’m in the zone, creating something new and meaningful and needed. Now I’m so excited to finalize and unveil that project super soon!

Third, I talked myself into a prosperity mindset. I headed to the bank to transfer some money, and saw a coffee shop across the street. Man, a dark mocha sounded really good – but I began to feel that tightening in my chest as I tried to convince myself not to get the coffee. I wasn’t passing it up because it was a fiscally responsible choice (which would have been perfectly fine and probably smart), but because fear and lack were trying to rise up again. I looked at the situation straight on, witnessing how that scarcity mentality was so keen on convincing me I didn’t even have $4 to spare. Not true, I reminded myself. Not true in my bank account. Not true in a world where there is plenty for all. Not true for a girl who is attracting abundance. I have enough, I told myself. I am enough.  

You Are Enough card by Liv Lane

And do you know what happened, friends? I went through the coffee shop drive-thru, ordered my mocha, and when I pulled up to the window, the barista said, “Guess what!? The car in front of you just paid for you!” Oh. My. Word. My whole body filled with elation as I told her that I’ve done that so many times for other drivers, but that no one’s ever paid for me…and that this was the PERFECT day for it to happen. “Cool – it’s totally karma,” she said.

I drove away happy as a clam, so thankful for that little sign that all is well, that there is enough, that the universe is listening.

It’s listening to you, too. What are you manifesting through your thoughts and actions? I’d love to hear, brave hearts.