a letter to my 30s: the calm after the storm

Liv Lane in 2004; the difference of a decade

Dear 30s,

This is our last day together. While many friends have fretted lately over leaving you behind, I have felt downright euphoric. Ready for a clean slate, a fresh start. Ready to ditch a decade that frequently felt like an uphill climb.

But the closer I’ve come to this milestone birthday, the clearer I see what a gift you’ve been to me. 

Ten years ago, I wasn’t much in the mood for celebrating. We don’t even have any photos of my 30th birthday; I’d all but disappeared by then. I’d dyed my hair brunette, mastered the almost-believable happy face, and let numbness take over. That felt so much better than panic, so much easier than heartache, more respectable than driving off a bridge. So I stayed there, comfortably numb. Sleepwalking into a new decade. I was on the verge of a breakthrough, though, close to realizing I didn’t have to exist like that forever. Undiagnosed postpartum depression and PTSD had deadened me, and I needed to work my way out.

Looking back, that arduous journey and all the soul-stretching challenges that came after were neither bad luck or punishing blows. The hardships and hurdles were like force-fed doses of truth serum. With every new challenge, I would feel the serum trickling down my throat, through my chest and into my belly – twisting through me like a tornado. As it churned, building steam, it would latch on to my untruths – my fears, my masks, my resentments, my pain – and spit them out like they weighed nothing. It would pepper me with questions about who I was without all that debris, and dare me to find light in the eye of the storm. And when I did, the truth would scoop me up and cradle me, blanketing me in purpose and singing lullabies of possibility.

The tornadoes of my 30s didn’t throw me off course; they carried me to my path. Turns out you gave me the best gift a girl could ask for. 

With gratitude and awe, Liv

Liv Lane

Liv Lane

As an intuitive adviser, author & teacher, I help brave-hearted women illuminate their paths to purpose through powerful classes, individual readings, workshops and writings. This blog, started in 2006, chronicles my journey and offers light for yours. Thrilled you're here!
Liv Lane