In high school, I wanted to look like this. Pretty in pink. Not a petal out of place. Like the cheerleaders with their toned calves and smooth pony tails. Like the girls who had no problem finding dance dresses that fit…nor a problem finding a date to said dances. Like the girls on the magazine covers with porcelain skin and dazzling smiles and tiny jean shorts. But I didn’t.
Instead, I felt like this. Like a misfit flower, trying my best to blend into the garden but painfully aware of my imperfections. Extra pounds, acne-covered shoulders, bitten fingernails and boobs so big they scared me. I draped myself in bulky sweat shirts and button-up blouses, and used what I had deep inside – leadership skills, creativity and kindness – to attain some semblance of popularity. I was the girl who planned the prom but never went to it.
I was even on an advisory board for Seventeen magazine – not because of my cover girl looks, mind you, but because I was tuned in to what my peers liked and wanted. They had an open call and I submitted my impressive, over-achiever resumé of activities and awards – and got picked. Though I always pored over the pages of that magazine, I never recognized myself in it; I just recognized what I wasn’t. I figured being on their advisory board – answering questions about my peers and what they liked – was one more way to look cool without being cool.
This morning, I read that Seventeen has pledged never to airbrush their models and to feature more diversity on their pages. Girl empowerment organizations like SPARK Summit and the teens who follow them used the power of social media to demand change – and they got it. Now they’re going after other teen-focused publications, too. God, wouldn’t it be lovely if this generation of girls and the ones after could recognize glimmers of themselves celebrated in the media? Wouldn’t it be awesome if today’s girls {and boys} grew up with a sense of worth and belonging – not for how they look but for who they are?
All these years later, I still have days when I feel like the girl decorating for a dance I’m not attending. On those days, surfing the blogosphere feels like jumping down a rabbit hole; my self-consciousness spins out of control if I let myself focus on how trendy, how darling, how super-fit, how uber-healthy, or how polished certain bloggers are. I feel like I’m back at summer camp in 1988 – the first and last time I wore a bikini in public because all the girls, I decided with great angst, looked so much better. It’s amazing to me that my sense of self is still so warped by those image-conscious teen years.
Me today: sweaty, sleeveless + happy
But this is what I wish I could tell my 17-year-old self {and every other teen}:
I also have plenty of days – including this day – when I know, deep down, that I am enough. Today, I’d rather be a creative misfit than a perfectly-petaled flower. Today, I’m not wearing what somebody else deemed to be cool; I’m not waxing, buffing, fasting, cleansing, or planking just ’cause “everyone” else is doing it. Today, I still use those beautiful skills I leveraged years ago – leadership, creativity, kindness – to create a happy, fulfilling, BEAUTIFUL life.
I’m a work of art and a piece of work. This is me – airbrush-free.
Beautiful Liv! What a wonderful post. I love every word! I especially love your conclusion-leadership, creativity, and kindness is where it’s at!
PS
I love to see your self-portraits!! More, more, more!
Ha! Briana, you are my self-portrait muse! Thanks for the kind words.
as she quietly raises her hand … me top. me too.
I swore that I wanted to spend prom weekend fishing with my dad.
secretly, it tore me up inside.
today? i am so thankful.
the real you is SO beautiful.
(i have so much more to say on this topic.
must.schedule.coffee.soon.
Thanks, friend. Yes, I claimed I would MUCH rather go out for malts w/ my other dateless girlfriends. And, in some ways, that was true!
Coffee. Yes!
Brilliant, Liv. So deep, so insightful, so real. Just another one of the many reasons I adore you with all my heart. Keep shining that beautiful bright light of yours. You illuminate the world. Love, Me.
Bravo, kudos and thanks a million. This is so well written and a very insightful post. I am pretty sure you are an angel in disguise or at best you care enough to share your thoughts and feelings on this subject matter. As I read this post it was speaking to me and your timing is perfect. Thanks for being you and for doing all of the great work that you do. I have never met you and yet I admire you for the thoughts, feelings and ideas you share through your blog, email posts and facebook. Keep smiling and think good thoughts. Take care
this is BEAUTIFUL and perfectly well said. i had NO idea that seventeen mag is doing this. woohoo! makes me feel a little better – hopefully more will catch on by the time my daughter is into these types of mags. but i can definitely relate to everything you’ve said here. and, i can feel the same way seeing all the things that go on facebook, too! it’s amazing what we do to ourselves…but i also amazed at the shift that is happening too…a good shift!!
I, too, never got to go to the prom. I *love* Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer because of the Island of Misfits – and even now I still feel like a misfit. I am so glad to see other kindred souls out there, especially you! Thank you!!
You put in words much of what I feel. Your ending was awe inspiring and so true for each of us. I don’t dress for others only for myself and if I like it.
Beautiful post, Liv! I’m thrilled to hear about Seventeen Magazine’s change. You are so right – what a difference it will make when our young ones feel just fine with how they look and just being themselves. I’m enjoying finding more and more of my Authentic Self these days
What a beautiful post. I love the direction Seventeen is going and appreciate your deep sharing. Your strength gives me strength. Thank you.
Liv this is so beautiful it gave me chills. I can see so much of myself in this. Everyday I try and make an effort to teach my daughters to be themselves and not what someone else thinks they should be.
Your post is so true. It resonates with me completely! As a mother of a 14 year old daughter, I try very hard not to add to the media crush of “beauty perfection,” but it can be tricky. I’m glad to hear the news about Seventeen magazine. Why am I still sceptical? I hope they really do make significant changes. It could help.
Have you every heard of a magazine called New Moon? It’s a great magazine, especially for younger girls/tweens. There really aren’t many good magazines for older girls.
Thanks, Liv, for the honest post.
Thanks so much, Dara. Yes – I LOVE New Moon and have been following their work years! That’s actually where I heard the news about Seventeen. Thanks for being a mama who’s being proactive about raising a courageous, confidant daughter!
Airbrush free and beautiful, inside and out. Yes, YOU.
I am also hopeful for the next generation of young girls and boys… Thank you for a thought provoking post. xoxo
This is you, and your are amazing, precious, a glorious mess and absolutely perfect. Sometimes we forget who we are, but luckily there are women like you–creative and kind and generous–to remind us.
Lovely! Thank you for your authenticity, such a gift!
So perfect.
wonderful essay! All so true and so well expressed. I look back on images of myself now and realize how really slender I was but I thought I was SO huge! Also, as a photographer who does mostly high school seniors I see this in my young clients. I also struggle with even the little bit of retouching that I do. I want them to see how beautiful they are and try to only correct for the distortions of light and camera. I tell them, “you will look like you on a very good day”. So much is possible now and they know it. I don’t want them thinking my images are only a fictional version of them.
YOU GO GIRL! I’ll be right behind you with my behead hair! Yet With a smile on my face that comes from the bottom of my heart”
I am frequently reminding the young ladies that I have contact with not to compare themselves with the girls in magazines and on TV. I’m SO glad that Seventeen is going to stop airbrushing. How refreshing it will be to see lovely young ladies that are REAL. How strange it must be for those models to see themselves touched up. I wonder if they have an alterred view of themselves in general.
I still feel like a wonky flower. I never had the right clothes in HS; (they did fit off the rack back then though!) my taste was… unique and money was tight. Add that to the fact that I was a little quirky(er) then and dates were rare. I went to the dances, but they tended to be with male friends instead of romantic interests.
Now I just want to embrace my uniqueness and make it work for me!!
Isn’t it lovely when you hear someone…someone you thought had it all together and seemed SO cool in high school…say they felt like they didn’t fit in? Oh my goodness…I thought you were the coolest and so pretty and popular. Goes to show that we surely can fake it ’til we make it. AND that we are way harder on ourselves than are others.